I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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