I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
