he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
