fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
