wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
