how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
