spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize