oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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