I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
