(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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