Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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