We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
