I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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