Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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