I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
