Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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