This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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