So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
