I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
