I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize