..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
