I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize