cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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