She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
