Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize