I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
