Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
