You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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