3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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