so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
