My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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