xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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