I'm jealous of your bromance
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
