I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize