We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i will never coherently bang her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
