meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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