I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
