he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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