Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize