i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
