I hate your face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
