get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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