I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
