I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
