Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
