It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
