bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
