Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
