He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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