Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
