She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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