He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
