he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
