i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
