Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
