ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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