you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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