i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
