dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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