I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
