ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
