drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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