dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
