I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
