my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
