The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
