I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
