Only a mothe r could love this liver
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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